Are you lonely, or are you just alone?
Cozy reflections #2: No, like, I really don’t want a boyfriend.
Are you lonely or are you just alone? There’s a big difference.
I’ve been single for a few years now, living the bachelorette life of my dreams. Does that mean I’ve been out clubbing, bringing home one night stands whose names I’ll never know? Absolutely not. I’ve been home chilling with my dog.
The closest thing I’ve done to a one night stand was the DIY paint job I gave to the one sitting next to my bedside — a spring, sage green table adorned with a wreath of dark green leaves. Adorable.
But for the last few years, I’ve endured the sad eyes looking at me like I’m lost in life and will never be happy unless I have a man by my side.
“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“You should really find someone.”
“All the good ones are going to be gone.”
“Well, have you tried the apps?”
Gag.
Listen, I’m not going to sit here and ramble about how men are evil and all guys are the same because that’s not true. Are there some really disgusting guys out there? Oh, 110%. But girlies, I promise you the good guys aren’t a myth. They do exist.
No, seriously, they do.
After I got out of a long, horrible two year relationship (if you can even call it that), I immediately met a very nice guy. The guy who wanted a wife, a house, a white picket fence. Respectful, hardworking, charming… everything on paper.
But I just wasn’t there yet. And that’s okay.
A few years later I hear through the grapevine that he’s engaged, and I’m genuinely happy for him. He’s getting exactly what he wanted, as he should.
And as for me? I’m still sitting at home chilling with my dog. It’s not that I don’t ever want anyone, or I’ve sworn off guys, or something dramatic like that. I am just not actively in the pursuit of another relationship right now. And that is absolutely okay.
Because while everyone looks at me with those sad eyes, I am blissfully aware of one uncomfortable truth:
There is a future version of me that exists living in a house with a wonderful husband and a crying baby, thinking back on this current version of me, longing for the peace that I have right now.
And that’s not to say that future me won’t be happy with a man, a house, a family — the dream, right? But I only get to be in my twenties once, live alone, doing as I please. Is it so wrong that I want to soak up this moment for as long as I have it?
Here’s my current reality:
Cuddling up to my dog at night — heavy emphasis on no man snoring next to me.
Quiet movie nights rewatching Uptown Girls for the 500th time.
Candlelit cups of tea, curling up with a thriller book (and being glad my 10-pound dog is there as security in case the book characters decide to come to life and intrude on my sanctuary).
Random inspiration hitting at 11pm and grabbing some clay to wrap around an old jar and carve out a cute little fairy house. (Pinterest approved craft nights).
Blaring the Hannah Montana 2/Meet Miley Cyrus soundtrack on my speaker as I do the dishes and vacuum my dog’s playground — I mean, my living room.
Having long paint sessions after work, staying up until 3am until the toucan looking back at me is just the right amount of chaotic and colorful.
Rummaging through my cabinets like I’m on Chopped and coming up with… unhinged? Chaotic? Recipes like my peanut butter pickle cookies (truly, don’t knock it until you try it).
Being rebellious and leaving a few dishes in my sink at night because… who’s gonna know?
Oops, I just told on myself, didn’t I?
My point is: being alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely. There’s a very common misconception that a woman can’t be alone whilst feeling happy and fulfilled. But my life is full — friends, family, freedom, peace, and exploring my creativity to its full extent. I get to try new things, be as weird as I want, and who is going to judge me?
Okay, okay, I do catch my shih tzu side eyeing me from time to time…
Are there some quiet nights maybe I wish I had plans? Sure. But in those moments, I’d much rather be bored at home than anxiously staring at my phone waiting for a text back.
One day, I’ll have a busy life filled with family and driving kids to soccer practice. But for now, I’m content just soaking up my days creating and just… being a girl.
If those people with the sad eyes telling me to “just find someone” could see me dancing around to Taylor Swift with a paintbrush in my hand, maybe they wouldn’t see my life as so pathetic. But it’s my life, not theirs. And I’m enjoying every minute of being “locked in my castle,” filled with string lights and fringe on my walls before I have to find a way to make some guy’s baseball collection blend into my aesthetic.
After years of back-to-back bad relationships, it’s honestly a fresh of breath air to essentially date myself, explore who I am and the extent of my mind’s weird ideas.
Being alone doesn’t always mean you’re lonely.
Sometimes, it means you’re finally free.
… And if I come on here next week claiming I’ve found the love of my life, mind your business (;
Cannot emphasize how much it drives me nuts when people act like I am missing an essential piece to me because I don’t have a boyfriend! Some of us are not looking for one and feel fulfilled without one. I agree with what you said that our future selves will look back one day and miss the moments when we were single, that’s why I’m soaking it in and not rushing to find anybody :)
A wise man named Sartre once said: ‘if you can’t be alone, you’re always in bad company’👀