I lost my voice as I found it.

Cozy reflections #2: The cosmic joke that is my life.

Sometimes the universe has a funny way…

Two weeks ago, my shaky hands hit the publish button, thus beginning my Substack journey. All anxious thoughts dissipated when I found just how kind and encouraging the community on here was. Before I knew it, I was waking up early and racing home from work to draft my next post. I just couldn’t stop writing. I fear I have started to hear my keyboard clicks in my dreams.

I was beginning to feel a bit like an unpaid intern running a one-woman magazine, but it’s the first thing that’s made me feel intoxicatingly alive again.

I started this thinking: What am I going to even write? What if I run out of ideas?

Fast forward to me now having almost 20 posts in the drafts going — which do I post next?

Today, I woke up to the insane surprise that I hit 100 subscribers on here. Truly — it’s not about the numbers, and I’m sure a fair amount of those 100 are AI bots or people hoping for a “subscribe for subscribe” outcome. For me, it’s more about the fact that there are people out there reading and resonating with my words — yes, I’m talking to you, girlie. Little fourth wall break. And if you’re sticking through my posts and still reading, from the bottom of my heart, I truly appreciate it.

Two weeks ago when I started, I thought I would be screaming into the void forever, so to have eyes on my posts now is both terrifying and exhilarating. Being able to just talk about different aspects of being in your 20s and finding people who relate makes me feel like I’m not as lost as I think. Maybe we’re all just doing better than we think we are.

But in a bittersweet twist, the Universe decided to bless me with an ironic cosmic joke:

Just as I have found my voice again, I literally lost it.

I woke up sick a few days ago, and even though I don’t even feel that sick — I still have my personality, I feel awake — I have literally no voice. Just call me Ariel from the Little Mermaid. So unfortunately while my job currently consists of me answering phone calls, I had to take a sick day, leaving me with some time to just type away on Substack. Oh, how tragic, right. (;

That’s when the absolute irony struck me — the dichotomy of me physically losing my voice, but feeling like I have finally found it again through my writing.

Maybe Universula (Ursula… Universe…? I don’t know there’s a joke in there somewhere) took my voice away so I could focus on the one that matters. I’ve always been very spiritual in that I’ve always believed the universe will always give you what you need, even if it’s not necessarily what you want. Did I want to take a day off and lose out on money? My landlord says no. Did I maybe need a day to sit with my writing and realize that maybe this is the voice that really matters? Maybe. I don’t know where my writing will take me, but I am forever grateful that I’ve found a home on Substack to be able to house and share it.

This is all to say: thank you for taking the time to read, to comment, to share. Maybe I only have a few readers, but to me, that’s success. Not in the way that I’m getting book deals, but in the way that by taking the time to read and comment, you (yes — fourth wall break again — you, you) have given me that sparkle of life to write and feel alive again.

I may have lost my voice, but it’s never been louder.

---

I also run an advice column on here called Dear 26ixty! If you have a situation you need advice on or just need to vent about something, feel free to anonymously submit your story below.