My Infamous, Viral Peanut Butter Pickle Cookie Recipe
The time I went viral and received death threats over my pickle cookies.
Disclaimer: This is probably going to take the cake for my most unhinged post ever, but just stay with me for a second. I’m going to start off by saying I am officially a pickle addict and should probably be in some pickle anonymous meeting. I know this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I have zero regrets.
Still here? Alright… let’s talk about it.
For those of you that think creativity belongs just pen to paper, brush to canvas… it’s more than that. Creativity isn’t just an act of doing, it’s a mindset. It’s not just the things you make — it’s how you think, how you problem-solve, how you play.
And my mind? Well, for better or worse — it never stops.
A very slow night at work gives a girl a lot of time to spiral in her thoughts — and her Pinterest. As I waited for the customers to ring in, my pickle addiction was being spiritually fed as I scrolled past pickle dips, pickle pot roasts, pickle cupcakes. And in true Carrie Bradshaw fashion: I couldn’t help but wonder, what would a pickle taste like in cookie form?
And just like that, I ran home and got to work in my lab — er, I mean, kitchen.
I started rummaging through my cupboards like a mad scientist. What would even go in a pickle cookie? I thought about peanut butter and pickle sandwiches and settled on a crunchy peanut butter base. I remembered “kitchen sink” cookies and thought… maybe these would work if they were just unhinged enough. So I crushed up dill-flavored chips and tossed them into the batter. Balance.
My mistake wasn’t making the cookies — it was posting them.
Like Taylor Swift said, “haters gonna hate, hate, hate.”
I shared a photo slide on TikTok and within 24 hours, I had 30k views and a flood of hundreds and hundreds of comments. Some people were into it, referencing childhood memories of peanut butter-pickle sandwiches. Some were mortified. Some were weirdly angry. (I won’t even repeat some of the things that were said to me). And others? Well… they told me to take a pregnancy test, taking turns guessing in the comments whether I was having a boy or a girl. Joke’s on you — it’s another shih tzu. (;
But then something strange happened.
At 30k views, the video stalled. Notifications disappeared. Every video on my page flatlined. Even previous videos with engagement were now showing 0 views, 0 likes. It stayed that way for about an hour. I guess the people saying they reported it… weren’t kidding. God forbid a girl have a hobby. So TikTok might’ve tried to silence me — but Substack? This is my turf now.
And so, as promised, whether you’re planning to make these out of curiosity or pure spite, I present to you:
My Infamous Pickle Cookie Recipe
I’ve made a few tweaks since the first batch — they’re a little crunchier now… but just as chaotic.
Try them. Roast me. Love them. Bring them to your next girls’ night… just don’t blame me if you don’t get invited back after that. I don’t care what you do — just don’t report my Substack for this. Then I’d really be in a… pickle. (;
If you have made it this far without unsubscribing, you are officially my kind of people.
If you are brave enough to, I hope you will take a chance on these cookies and try them out, share them with your friends, and I would love to hear your feedback on them. But if you do make them, maybe… don’t post them online.
Will a million percent try these as a pb with savoury things lover. ❤️
Sweet and savory go together, I guess?