My dog just committed murder.

I witnessed the entire thing and I don’t feel safe. Am I supposed to call the police??

There are two things my dog, Karmie, holds sacred in this world — her Grammy and her collection of “Grammy” ropes. And they were threatened tonight.

For starters, Karmie is a little ten pound shih tzu/maltese, who wouldn’t hurt a fly. In fact, she’s actually terrified of flies. As spring has finally sprung in my area, I’m awaiting the inevitable day when a fly finds it’s way inside and she shivers in terror from the top of the sofa — a yearly tradition at this point. But that being said, she is truly the sweetest, most lovable pup around.

But she’s also insanely smart.

And a tiny bit manipulative — but that’s for a future post.

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Tonight after work, she laid on the floor with her fluffy butt in the air, tail wagging — her way of asking for rubs. So I give this pup the love she deserves, rubbing her for five minutes as her smile grows wider and wider, until she erupts into a hurricane of zoomies and starts jumping from toy to toy.

Karmie starts gnawing at one of her precious ropes her Grammy bestowed upon her when I grab her arch nemesis — Piggie — and he begins creeping up onto one of her ropes. She flies at him, snatching the rope away and spitting it out back onto her pile of ropes. Because of course, her Grammy has bought her six of the same rope so she has back ups and fresh ones to play with. You know what they say about grandparents spoiling their grandchildren…

“Don’t even think about touching my Grammy ropes…” — Karmie

Anyways. This continues for a few minutes, her playing with her rope, Piggie (which as smart as she is, I’m not sure she grasps the concept that it is actually I, her mother, controlling this evil pig) grabs at another rope and her lunging at the pig, giving him a little shake in her mouth. Until the pig grabs another rope, and the vicious cycle continues — each time, Karmie getting more and more visibly agitated.

Until the last time when Karmie has finally had enough of Piggie’s antics, she storms towards him, grabbing him angrily, and walks with him tightly in her mouth to the staircase… where she just drops him down the flight of stairs.

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I, bearing witness to all of this madness, just start crying, laughing. Karmie looks at me with bright, happy eyes, tongue out, tail wagging, and starts Snoopy laughing. I know I let this dog watch far too many episodes of the Snoopy Show because she has genuinely adapted Snoopy’s contagiously, maniacal, little laugh. I know that sounds made up, but my mom is a witness to her Snoopy fraud, and one day when we’re not laughing too hard, we might actually remember to record it for proof.

“Hehe look how cute and adorable I am — I just got away with murder!” — Karmie (probably)

But then — her eyes widened and she looks terrified as she looks back down the staircase realizing she had just committed plush-toy-murder. She races down the steps and reappears a moment later, dropping Piggie off at the top of the landing. Karmie kicks her back feet and lets out a little sneeze — a true “hmmph, I hope you learned your lesson” moment.

After the week I’ve had, I think Karmie knew I needed a laugh, and I’m still wiping tears away writing this. Though I’m also considering maybe locking her out of the bedroom tonight…. I don’t think she’d claim me as her next victim, but part of me also knows with me out of the picture, there’s nothing stopping Grammy from adopting her.

Actually, if you don’t hear from me by the morning… call the police. There’s a killer shih tzu on the run.

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Catch up on my latest posts! ♡

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